Silence

I recently thought that being silent was something I did when I just didn't have anything to say. That may be true but there is another silence. Then there is a silence like when you are laying in your bed at night with no lights, no TV, nothing but darkness. I have recently felt this myself laying in my bed, no noise dead silence. It scared me. As I laid there it made feel like I needed to jump up and do something, but what? Maybe turn the TV on, read a book, or something!

The longer I laid there I tried to fight it by going back in time. The next thing I know I was thinking of things that would make a Sailor blush. What happened? Why did I find myself there thinking like I never turned from that life? As I laid there I found myself fighting and wrestling with good and evil, knowing what I was thinking was from the past, things that I never want to be apart of again. The longer I tried to fight it the further I went back.

Numbers 14:9 from the NIV says "Do not rebal against the Lord and do not be afraid of the people of the land because He will swallow them up. Their protection is gone but the Lord is with us. Do not be afraid of them."

In Psalm 4:4 NIV "In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds search your hearts and be silent."

Why do we ignore these feelings? Why do we try to fight what we know we can't win on our own? It donned on me after I woke up that I had actually been asleep the whole time and that God was telling me that I have not been coming to Him like I should and that I need to turn to Him and seek Him through His word and let Him take care of things that keep me turning and tossing at night.